Epic Failure
While working on some new comedy material, I decided to make a list of things I was afraid of. I suppose many folks would have items on it like spiders or dying… or leprechauns or trolls (maybe that was redundant, sorry)… I actually had a hard time making a list of my fears.
It’s not that I’m not afraid of things, I just don’t think there’s much I can’t handle. Yeah, I’m tough like that. And I will cut you if I need to/want to/feel that you need cuttin’.
Work It
This past spring marked my fifth year doing comedy. Five years. Wowza. I actually had to look back at dates to figure this out (I’m bad at math). And of course, that included the ubiquitous “break” that most comics take (mine was a little over a year). But yeah, five years.
When I started doing comedy, I thought it’d be completely different than it turned out to be. Don’t get me wrong, I dreamed, like most comics do – that I’d be surrounded by easy whores throwing their bras at me after an amazing set… and groupies.. perky-nippled groupies. Mmmmm! I mean I was a natural at hanging out with friends and making them laugh for hours. I had witty retorts for just about everything (can you say “Class Clown”?) and after becoming a bitter musician (as a 280 pound girl, was actually told to call a record producer back when I lost 150 of those pounds… yeah… anyhow, I digress…) I thought my passion for the stage was something I’d have to give up.
So that leads me to how I decided to try stand-up comedy – I’m out with my friend Shana at IHOP one day, and as I’m leaving a woman grabbed my arm and said “I was listening to your conversation with your friends and you are the funniest person I’ve ever heard, you should be a comedian.” And the dream was born – I was going to pursue stand-up comedy… and save for a shitty experience with a douchebag comic in Chicago who ran a ‘workshop’ (that’ll be another blog entry, I’m sure), I have never felt quite as much “me” as I have on stage as when I’m performing. Well, ok, I have felt like “me” off-stage – but my first “me”, truly “me” experience was telling jokes into a mic.
[and yes, I appreciate how much you want to feel me, you're very cute, hornball, now let's move on]
And now, 5 years in, I’m here to tell you – COMEDY IS HARD! It’s still hard. It will always be hard. And that means I’m doing it right.
The Stats Man
I’ve produced live events/shows on and off for many years. Back in Dallas, I did some work for Billboard, and got to work with some really talented musicians and produced shows there. Nowadays, I’m producing comedy shows. Comics are a rare and special breed (and by special, I am referring to diseases, yes), and they come in many different flavors (feel free to take that statement however you want to, you filthy whores).
Over the past year and a half of producing Comedy Under The Tap, I’ve been lucky to meet some great comics and make some fantastic friends. For every douchenozzle comic I meet, I meet about 3 who are good people. That makes it worth it. For real.
But, let’s face it – there are so many annoying things I could drone on and on about when it comes to comics, but I’m going to pick just one today: The Stats Man.
Once more, with feeling…
Today I’m starting over.
- I’m going to write again. Starting here, starting now.
- I’m going to sing again. Maybe not on a huge stage in front of thousands of people, but I’m going to make a conscious effort to make it part of my regular doings.
- I’m going to perform more. How I’m going to balance that with 4 jobs (1 “real” job and 3 part-time gigs) is beyond me, but dammit, I’m doing it.
- I’m going to put my time and energy into things and people that make me happy. And I’m going to strive to find things and people that make me happy and surround myself with them, come hell or high water.
- I’m going to learn to be ok with not being able to fix things or be perfect.
- I’m going to open myself up to others. I’m going to be transparent with people – and though that carries a ton of risk, in the right situations, it brings a bevy of reward. It’s worth the reward.
- I’m going to make decisions and stick with them. I’m going to formulate plans and follow them. I may be slower than I intend, I may be more deliberate than others think I should be, but I’m going to move ahead.
- I’m going to stop letting what I’ve done or what I’ve been define me. I’m going to fuck up, and when I do, I’m going to deal, get over it, and move on.
- I’m going to live for me and put myself first (ok, maybe at least some of the time – wink).
- I’m going to learn to love myself.
- I’m going to let others love me. The real me.
- I’m going to read this post every day, at least 3 times to remind myself that this is the first ‘plan’ I’ve made, and the things I’m claiming to do will be done.
Go me!
And as a note to myself: I may have to start over again tomorrow - but I’ll be here to try.
So who’s behind me? Who’s on my side? Who’s in my corner? Cause if you’re not, there’s no room for you. I’ve got things to do.